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Tuesday, 4 August 2015

“One SORRY” -for all mistakes…




My Bestie,


Don’t know from where to start to say SORRY and for which thing I should say SORRY first. However, I know I have to say. When you came to the hostel, I was having lots of things to say, but I could not utter a single word except just GO. I do not know what I am writing here, but these lines are not scripted, not scripted like my stories and blogs. I am writing whatever comes from my heart. My heart stopped at this line and asked to mind, for what I should ask for the SORRY first? However, I do not want to use my mind just because I want to say SORRY, SORRY from the deep of my heart.


I hurt you, I hurt you many times, and this is one SORRY for all. I am not saying SORRY only for the topic of Julie and me. It is something about yesterday. Again, I stopped here, from where to start, to tell you about what happened to me on that day, What thing was holding me back that on that noon and why I am saying SORRY, SORRY once again...


I had two topics to write, first: to write a special birthday poem for a special girl, for the girl whom I loved, for the girl whom I love, for the Foram. Do I still love her? Now I doubt sometimes. Anyway, Second: to write for my special friend. Yes, special friend. A friend whose name is on the top of the list of my buddies. I said that all lines from my heart. Yes, heart gave me one line that removed from here by the mind. Always my mind wins in the battle of these two. Once again SORRY for this...


So where I was? Yes, on the second point, to write to my friend. Only a friend word is not sufficient here I think. I believe that it must be prefixed with a most suitable adjective. Special, especial and memorable. I do not know which one I should use because none of this is enough to describe my best friend. I can remember the exact date when we had started the journey of our friendship. It was 15th February 2014 when we first time talked face to face, and then it happened again and again and that TIME added one more friend on my list, who made my life joyful. A friend, different from all, cute, little pagal, but still beautiful by heart. When she smiled, she looks like a baby girl and uski harkato... if I will start writing her nautankies here, then my pen would never stop. When she smile, her smile, smile of a cure for all diseases and the cure of my anger. Her smile makes me forget all the reason of my anger, and her Mona Lisa smile adds one more smile around, she makes me smile. Do you know who she is? I mean who is this so special friend? To get you answer you have to stand in front of the mirror, you will get you answer because mirrors always speak truth. SORRY I missed my track, kitni galatia karta hu mai, nahi? Which one thing I preferred to write first? Can you guess? First or second? Guess and then go for next line, please. Once again SORRY for this...


Yes, of course, the second one. I chose to write you first because you taught me to look at the present. Yesterday you was standing at the gate of my hostel and I was not responding your call. How stupid I was. One thing sent me to you that day, once, Foram wanted to talk with me, and she tried on my mobile, one, twice, thrice... A number of missed calls went in two digits and then in three. Hundred plus missed calls from her, and I did not respond at least for once. I don’t know why. I don’t know the reason of such weird behavior but That moment of worst past sent me to hostel gate, to you, to listen to you. You had arrived at the hostel, to say SORRY, but the entire fault was mine. Why should you say SORRY? Still, it was just only you, who was standing, waiting, and saying SORRY, trying many tricks and I was just saying you to get away from there because I was thinking that you are doing nautanky. How foolish am I? Once again SORRY for this...


Yes, I told wrong. Something had happened in college that spoiled my mood. You had come without wearing a sweater just because I had not worn. That made me think how dumb I am. I felt very guilty at that time. I tried to explain you, to tell you that you shouldn’t do like that but I was unable to do it. You know that I don’t know how to express my feelings. Once again SORRY for this...


One thing that offended me very badly is when you asked your other friend to choose any one finger and not to me. You hugged him; I was standing there, watching you. Yes, I lied to you, I replied with big no when you asked if I felt ignored by that. I should not feel bad for this; I must not. I thought you were ignoring me because I had ignored you. However, I was very wrong. He is also your friend like me, and that was only one moment. Now it does not matter whom you ask to choose. Once again SORRY for this...


SORRY...SORRY...SORRY for all the things which hurt you. I know how badly I hurt you because of the topic of Julie. I am SORRY; I ignored you just for the friend whom I had met just before one week. I do not know how to say SORRY for all this, so I copied your trick to say you SORRY. Once again SORRY for this...


You had asked what is holding you back. Now all the things are here. One day, I had told you that nothing is for forever, but I was wrong. Our friendship is forever. I love the way you smile; I love the way to tease me, I love the way you pinch me, I love the way you care for me. Yes, we are friends, friends forever.

SORRY once again...  :) :) :)
Your Bestie,
Gautam.


Sunday, 1 March 2015

Some Dreams Should Not Come True



I  got down from the bus and made my way on the main road to the hospital. Sun had already shut down his orange shine. Lighting on the street was only by the street light of the city. The fragrance of street food approached my nose. My empty stomach was giving a knock, but I took my mind off from the torture of stomach. I wanted to find that one hospital first in that metro city, Mumbai. She needed me, and I was already too late. It tried to reach her as soon as possible, but things weren’t that easy in anyone’s life. I used all of my energy to reach her. I wished to be with her; she desired me. She needed me most during that hard time, and I was still some distance away from her. My beloved Suman was there in the hospital, might be because of me.

Mostly Suman and I used to sit on the table facing each other in the canteen. To bunk lectures and sit with your beloved in the canteen is the most beautiful, most relic moments of college days. However, Suman and I were not a couple. We were friends, best friends. Actually more than friends. Yes, but we had not expressed yet.

“I Love You,” unexpected but gorgeous three words from a stunning girl in cute, crazy and little loud tone words from Suman. I was shocked and surprised like time had stopped and I was just looking at her with wide opened eyes.

“I said, I Love You. You idiot. Now say something… hello…,” Suman waved her hand in front of my eyes and took out me from divine shock.

“How... means... you... love... suddenly...,” she helped to stop me and explained, “You will be an idiot for a lifetime.” she turned my laptop screen to me. WhatsApp chat with one of my friend was on the screen and subject of the chat was my love for Suman. Yes, I was dying to tell her those few words. I was dying to express my feelings. I had shared those things with one of my friends. When I came out from all chapters in my mind, I stood up. She stood with wet eyes. We were childhood friends, and now, we were more than even best friends. I hugged her and whispered, “I Love you too.”

All those marvelous memories of us shorten my way to the hospital. As I reached the place, I was looking for her. My memories, graceful memories automatically got stopped in hurdles of finding her in the hospital. We had built those beautiful memories five years ago.

Now, I was in the hospital. I checked room number from the receptionist and ran towards ICU. I halted my footsteps when I found her inside the Intensive Care Unit. The meaning of Acronym ICU is enough to put the happiest person into a dreadful shock. I did not remember if I had come in the hospital before. I was standing in front of ICU door, and the girl whom I loved was there inside.

I was so scared; even not any worst nightmare had made me scared like that. I made my glance inside; she was resting unconsciously on the bed. She was breathing with the help of oxygen cylinder extension. Doctors were busy to fix her broken leg with bandages. White tapes surrounded her cute nose and scars on her face. My sweetheart, my Suman was going through a lot.
         
       “Get out from here; she doesn't need you,” those were words from her dad. He was coming towards ICU with some medicine in his hand. He hated me. According to him, I was not perfect for her daughter because I was earning less than her daughter. I did not know if there was any other reason for his hate for me. Before one year, Suman and I broke up because her family was forcing her to get married. I needed some time to be a perfect one in front of her father. We had the option to run away to get married and live together, but it wasn’t on our to-do list. We wouldn’t marry against our family at all. After break up, she covered her life with drink and office work until late night. I was not aware of this. I tried to contact her to talk with her, but life wasn’t that simple. Not anymore.

 Before he could attack me with more humiliating words, there was another family coming to talk with Suman's family, her fiancé’s parents. They were not here for sympathy, but to end the relation that they had shaped before the month. He could not let her son marry a girl who was raped. Yeah, Suman was raped while returning from her office work and she met with a dreadful accident in escaping.
          
          No one helped her that night. Few people passed from there, and they were just watching her begging for help on the road. Her “fiancé’s father was explaining to Suman’s family why they could not go ahead with this relationship.  How can anyone do something like this? His son could not live with a girl who is raped. What would people think? Those were words of her fiancé’s parents. Those monsters gave her one scar, and because of that one scar, people were giving her another scar which was so far bigger than first one. Was that fair? What was her fault in all that? Why was she suffering? I was out of my control by thinking all this. I collected guts and raised my voice against her fiancé’s parents, “how can you do this?”  Before her fiancé’s dad could say anything to me, Suman’s dad slapped me.

Suddenly I woke up. That slap kicked me out from that horrible dream. I put both my hands on face and wiped. I thanked God that was only a dream. I dialed Suman’s number. It was just four in the morning. She cut the call. I tried again but maybe she wasn’t awake yet, or she wasn’t in the state of picking up my call. The whole day I engrossed in work.

Sometimes dreams aren’t just dreams. They are an alert alarm in our life. What I had seen was not only dream, because that’s what exactly happened very next day.

After getting slapped, I sat next to her father in the hospital. Her fiancé’s parents were gone. Her mother was sobbing and asking herself, “Who will marry my girl now?” “What will happen?” she cried out on each of her thought. I went to her and gave her shoulder for support. “I will,” I said wiping my tears. “I will,” I repeated. Her dad was not angry on me anymore; his heart was broken from inside. That was the worst day for him, for Suman’s mom, and for me. Through eyes, I asked for permission to meet Suman. He couldn’t speak anything, but his wet eyes replied. I went into the room. She was resting on bed unconsciously. I hold her hand in my hand.


“Hey dear, I am so sorry. I know, I am late to be here. You have to fight. I know you can do it. I know because I love you and so I want you to get well soon. You do not deserve this, and you will be fine soon I know, you are my heartbeat and so I don’t want to see you going away from me. Time had made us separate but I was always thinking about you. I just cannot imagine life without you and how can I? Let’s spend rest of life together. I will make you happiest woman alive. Please come back soon; your Udgam is waiting for you…”